Start By Knowing Yourself First
Insecurity brought upon by internal conflict is considered conflict that you have within yourself. It reflects the difference between what you really feel and what you do about it. On the other hand, "interpersonal" conflict occurs between you and another person.
Everyone has four basic psychological needs. When these needs are violated, conflicts are produced. When conflicts are produced, people react in one of four ways. They can retaliate, dominate, isolate, or cooperate.
The four basic psychological needs are: The need to be valued and treated as a human being; the need to have control; the need for self esteem and self worth; and the need to be consistent.
Let's start with the first need, and that is the need to be valued and treated as a human being. We all need to be appreciated. We all want for others to recognize our worth. We all want other people to value us and our contributions. People are more motivated when they are being recognized. Every time we feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, or taken for granted, our strong needs to be appreciated and valued have been violated, thus triggering our fear and anger response.
The second is the need to be in control. Being in control is an important matter for everyone, more for some than others. The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more controlling you become. On the other hand, if you feel secure and confident about yourself, then the less need you have to control others. Remember this the next time you have to deal with a very controlling person.
Third, we have the need for self esteem and self worth. A strong self esteem gives a powerful, solid groundwork for dealing with all types of situations in the right way. With a strong self esteem, you have the ability to respond to any type of situations, rather than react to it. Responding to a problem means approaching it in a positive, controlled way and is always open to solutions. On the other hand, reacting to a problem means approaching it in a negative, emotional, and often inappropriate way.
And finally, we have the need to be consistent. As soon as you put your foot down and decided on a situation, it's very hard to go back and admit your mistake. The need to be consisted, along with the need to be right makes saving face a very important factor in most conflicts.
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